Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
