twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize