Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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