just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
