he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
How naked do you want me to be?
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