Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
