i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
