i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
