if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
