How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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