And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
