apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
