My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
That accounts for only three of the penises
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
