I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize