I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
try to milk me bitch
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
