Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
