i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
