she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize