It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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