i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
