I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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