So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
