Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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