fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
