we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
