i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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