its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The struggles of a small town man whore
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
