remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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