This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
