She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
