I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
