I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
