I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
