Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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