I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
