i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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