It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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