I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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