I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I need moral support for this bender
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize