Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
