Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
