he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize