How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize