please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
