All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
