careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
