Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
