$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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