The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
