Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
