Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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