you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
