I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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