Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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