I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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