my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
