I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
