Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I smell like Dick and happiness
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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