piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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