His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
