first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
