420 ftw
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
