i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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