What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
