I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
