I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
