Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
