i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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