I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
