I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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