His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
