That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
