I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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